moving in together

Apache is functioning normally

Apache is functioning normally

This article originally appeared on Radical FIRE and has been republished here with permission.

When you’re planning on moving in with your partner, there are important money conversations you need to have before moving in with your partner. 

I’m planning to move in with my partner after we complete our four-month mini-retirement, where we travel to Central America together. I assume that after we’ve spent so much time together abroad, we should be fine with moving in together. Just one thing that should be discussed is our finances. 

Money Conversations with Partner

Moving in with someone requires some financial logistics to be arranged. You need to discuss who is paying which bills, who is responsible for what, and more. 

You know I love having money conversations, with my friends or with my family. I love to talk about money, that’s why I write on the blog. When no one wants to hear me talk about money for the gazillionth time, I’m just writing a blog post about my money thoughts.  

Now onto the money conversations that you need to have before moving in with your partner. I’ve had all these conversations over the past weekend just to know we’re on the same page. I recommend you also have them when you’re planning to move in with your partner!

Money Conversation #1: Do We Share Our Stuff?

I mean, is everything that was once mine now ours? Is everything that was once yours now ours? It’s about the tangible things that are in the house, not including money. This is something to think about before moving in together. 

If you have things that your partner also has, should you bring it? Or can you use one and get rid of the other one? If there are things that you don’t have yet but you know you need? Will you buy it together or will one of you buy it? 

In relation to that, we get to the next point.

Money Conversation #2: What Will We Do If … ?

You don’t go living together with your partner unless things are serious between you. You need to consider the possibility of the relationship ending sometime very far in the future (OMG!). Breakups and divorces are a possibility that needs to be considered. 

If you’re sharing things, what will happen after you stop being together? This is important for things like furniture and electronics, following the previous point. Will you share everything together, yes or no? 

Related read: 10 Ways Divorce can Affect your Credit

Money Conversation #3: Is The Money Going to Be Ours, Too?

It’s important to think about if you’re going to join finances or not. It’s a very personal thing to think about and it will differ for everyone depending on their situation. If your partner makes a lot less, you can decide to pay more towards the fixed monthly payments. Or vice versa. 

Just keep in mind that you should do something that makes you comfortable!

For me and my partner, we will not join finances. We’re having separate financial goals at the moment. I’m working towards my goal of financial independence and keeping a savings rate of over 80% consistently until we go on our travels. Meaning we’re not on the same page concerning money goals. 

That’s okay for now. He will look for a job after we return and we will decide how we will go from there. 

For our expenses, we will be splitting everything equally. I currently make more than my partner. The rent will be low enough for him to comfortably be covering half. If in any given month he cannot pay his portion of the rent or there are any other difficulties that won’t allow him to pay half of the rent, I will of course help him. 

Related read: How Renting Can Impact Your Credit

Money Conversation #4: How Will You Deal with Changes?

What if I lose my job? Or my partner can’t find a job after graduation? What if we need to move for work or someone can get a promotion abroad? All scenarios can happen. It’s extremely difficult to think about what you want to do when you’re not yet in the situation. It’s a good thing to discuss these matters a little in advance.

If you don’t know now how you will deal with these kinds of changes, think about how you’re both dealing with changes until now? When you’re both quite relaxed under changes, it’s unlikely that those changes will put stress on your relationship. If you’re both sensitive to changes, it might lead to stressful situations and it might be good to address those things at this moment.  

Money Conversation #5: What Do You Value Spending Your Money On?

Before you’re moving in with your partner, it’s important to talk about what you value spending money on? It can significantly differ among people. One person loves to go on big holidays, the other likes to drive their dream car, wants to have a big space to live in, or likes to have the latest tech gadgets. It’s good to know what they value. 

Before you’re moving in together, it’s important to understand what they value and what is important to them. The habits they have around the things they value may have an impact on your joint life together. 

My partner loves playing games and spends a great deal of time playing games both online and offline. He used to spend a good amount of money on getting new games, getting new consoles, or updating his computer. Currently, he doesn’t spend too much money on those types of things, but it’s still something to keep in mind when you’re going to live together. 

I used to buy a lot of clothes, but since getting on my clothing ban I haven’t bought any clothes. On the contrary, I’ve sold a lot of stuff around the house when I decided decluttering was the way I wanted to go. I won’t say I’m exactly a minimalist, but I’ve gotten rid of certain habits and I’m starting with a clean slate when I’m moving in with my partner. 

When we’ve talked about this point, he also asked me to give away/throw out all of the stuff I don’t use anymore. That way, we can start fresh when we’re moving in together, instead of just moving all my stuff simply from one place to another. 

It’s good to know what are the things that you might want to spend more money on, that you want to treat yourself on. For me and my partner that’s both the same thing: traveling. It’s important to know when money gets saved towards that goal and how much money will go towards that specific goal. 

Money Conversation #6: Where Do You Want to Go?

It’s important to discuss where you want to go in life? I would like to know how temporary our living situation will be. Are you or your partner already planning for a different job, relocation, or promotion? Do you want to have a family? Do you want to live in your city apartment with one bedroom, or do you want a big house in the countryside with a huge garden and two dogs?

You can address many questions in order to address where you both want to go. 

When we started dating, I told him I would go to the USA for five months shortly after. I am a dreamer, I love to think about what I want to do in my life and imagine where my life might be going. I already have some of my dreams about starting my own business, traveling, working abroad, and financial independence / early retirement. When I noticed our goals are compatible, even a few years down the line, that gives a huge boost to your relationship up until that point. 

Relationships require a serious amount of honesty, openness, and communication. You’re a team that will figure everything out that will be thrown at you, you’re in this together. 

Source: credit.com

Apache is functioning normally

Apache is functioning normally

The first stages of sharing a living space can be tricky for any couple. After the initial excitement of moving in together and purchasing matching robes, you might suddenly notice a laundry list of pet peeves your significant other is guilty of. Or perhaps you start spending your days staring at their wall art that you simply despise…

One man, who’s currently staying at his girlfriend’s place, recently detailed on Reddit how much he can’t stand her decor. Now, he’s wondering if he was a jerk for telling her why he won’t invite colleagues over, so below, you can find the full story, as well as a conversation with Dr. Lee Baucom.

This man has been staying with his girlfriend while his apartment is being worked on

Image credits: Prostock-studio (not the actual photo)

But apparently her decor is not up to his aesthetic standards, so he refuses to invite anyone over

Image credits: HorribleMeatloaf (not the actual photo)

Image credits: decordilemma (not the actual photo)

Unfortunately, it’s quite common for couples to quarrel over interior design

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Image credits: Ksenia Chernaya (not the actual photo)

Compromise is crucial in all aspects of a healthy relationship. You and your partner might not see perfectly eye to eye on where you want to live, where you want to spend the holidays, which car you want to purchase, and what to make for dinner, but if you love each other and respect each other enough, you can always come to a decision. However, one topic in particular that seems to have many couples arguing is interior design. In fact, 60% of British couples admit to having fought over it. Thankfully, many of them are willing to bend on the issue though, as 70% say they could sacrifice a room to allow their partner space to decorate to their quirky heart’s desires.

Women do tend to call more of the shots in interior decorating, as 56% say they are completely in charge of their home’s design, compared to only one fifth of men. Men are even 5 times more likely to leave interior design completely up to their partners. But there are also certain items that are more likely to cause quarrels between couples. According to a survey from Mattress Online, when it comes to what the most hated interior features are in the bedroom, 38% of women mention sports memorabilia, while 26% of men can’t stand glam furniture. 

Nearly a fifth of men are also bothered by having too many pillows, but both men and women equally agree that wall typography is a no-go. And in the living room, half of all men hate seeing fake plants or fruit, while a third of women don’t want to lay their eyes on any gaming equipment. 56% of people admit that they would consider hiding a piece of their partner’s furniture if they didn’t like it, and 40% say they would put off moving in with someone until they removed an ugly piece of home decor. 

“The problem is not just her taste, it is her that is being rejected”

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Image credits: Jack Sparrow (not the actual photo)

So what are you to do when you love your significant other but you’ve considered burning down the apartment just to eliminate that recliner they’ve had since college? To gain more insight on this topic, we reached out to relationship coach and marriage expert Dr. Lee Baucom, who was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda. “Our homes and our furnishings — our ‘things’ — are not just representatives of what we like. They are extensions of ourselves. We are attached to our decorations because they are a part of ourselves,” Dr. Baucom noted.

“Don’t like my taste? That is a rejection of me, too, which is why home remodels are often such points of disagreement. And why mixing homes when people move in together, becomes so touchy,” the relationship expert continued. “Who’s ‘self’ gets to stay and who’s ‘self’ is kicked to the curb. In this case, the girlfriend is feeling it. The problem is not just her taste. It is her that is being rejected. It is her that is being seen as immature, not just her furnishings.”

We also asked Dr. Baucom how couples can respect one another’s preferences and create a space that feels at home for both of them. “When a couple moves in together, being aware of both comfort and that the decor is part of the self, can lead to an open discussion about what is important and what is not,” he shared. “If the goal is blending lives together, the question is no longer about ‘your stuff versus my stuff,’ but how do we make it ‘our’ place?”

“He was not willing to be on her side, loving her for her personality, quirks and all”

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Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)

As far as this particular couple, Dr. Baucom says that the OP missed the fact that rejecting the decor was insulting his girlfriend.  “He thought it was just stuff. But it was ‘her.’ The interesting thing is he hides behind the ‘first impression’ excuse,” the relationship expert added. “In these gatherings, it is coworkers. They already know him. Also, he has done the same thing as she in the decor. He was seeing it as an extension of himself. It was his girlfriend’s. And at the root, he was not willing to be on her side, loving her for her personality, quirks and all. He was more worried about what people might think of him. He made her stuff all about him.”

“Stuff is never just stuff,” Dr. Baucom added. “We know that about our own ‘important stuff,’ but forget it when we think it is ‘just stuff’ for someone else. Being aware helps us see beneath the surface, to the inner life of other people.”

We would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this man was wrong to feel embarrassed of his girlfriend’s decor? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article discussing similar relationship drama, look no further than right here. And if you’d like to gain more insight or guidance on your own relationship, be sure to visit Dr. Baucom’s site, Save The Marriage, right here!

Readers were quick to side with the girlfriend, reminding the man that adults are allowed to have fun too

Source: boredpanda.com

Apache is functioning normally

Source: TikTok/@olivebranchcottage

One would think a married couple would be on the same page about the decor present in their home. However, this woman’s husband definitely is not.

One would think a married couple would be on the same page about the decor present in their home. Decisions about artwork, color palette, furniture, and more are often joint when moving in together.

However, TikTok creator @olivebranchcottage, aka Morgan, proves that some spouses are not always on the same page as their partners.

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In fact, Morgan’s husband seemingly has no idea what many of their interior decorations even look like, making her viral home decor quiz all the more hilarious. Let’s get into her (relatively easy) questions, his oblivious responses, and the comment section’s reaction.

Source: TikTok/@olivebranchcottage

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A woman gave her husband a home decor quiz — and his answers were interesting, to say the least.

The TikTok creator’s viral home decor quiz video started incredibly straightforward, with Morgan asking her husband to simply state the color of the circle painted on the wall of the plant room in their house.

After several seconds of deep introspection, her perplexed partner arrived at his first answer: “Like, a clay color. Like, orangish-brown.”

What followed proved he couldn’t have been more wrong. Morgan then showed a photo of said circle, which was dark green rather than “orangish-brown.”

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The creator upped the ante by asking her spouse what colors were on the rug in their bedroom, and, you guessed it, he answered incorrectly once again.

After he claimed their shared carpet was red and gold, the creator posted a picture of a white rug with blue flowers. However, to her husband’s credit, there were also small accents of pink and yellow, which could be what he was referring to with the red and gold comment.

And the last Q&A was the icing on the cake. When Morgan asked her partner to name what was in the picture hanging on their backdoor, he promptly asked, “Is that the one of the Italian town with like a little cow out in front?”

Nope! The image in the frame was of a little girl holding a puppy.

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The comment section had a few thoughts about the creator’s husband’s lack of awareness.

Source: TikTok/@olivebranchcottage

While Morgan’s husband’s responses were undoubtedly amusing, TikTok creators in the comments noted that he could potentially have vision problems. “Hear me out … he might be colorblind,” one user wrote, followed by a crying laughing emoji.

Other people shared similar sentiments, but colorblindness didn’t explain his final answer.

“OK, do you have a painting of an Italian town with a cow?” someone asked. “Because that is SO specific.” Morgan then clarified that they do have artwork featuring cows in their kitchen. However, it contains an English cathedral, not an Italian town.

Bonus points for getting the cow part correct?

Source: distractify.com

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The post 13 Essential Tips When Moving In With Your Boyfriend appeared first on The Rent.com Blog : A Renter’s Guide for Tips & Advice.

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This was originally published on The Penny Hoarder, which helps millions of readers worldwide earn and save money by sharing unique job opportunities, personal stories, freebies and more. The Inc. 5000 ranked The Penny Hoarder as the fastest-growing private media company in the U.S. in 2017.