Robin Hartill is a certified financial planner and a senior writer at The Penny Hoarder. Send your tricky money questions to [email protected].
My question is, I could help but I feel it would be enabling the situation and she would be in the same situation in a month or two. I don’t really have extra money but do fine. Should I help out financially when there are three possible breadwinners in the house and they aren’t helping? I’ve offered to find her financial counseling as well.
Get practical advice for your money challenges from Robin Hartill, a Certified Financial Planner and the voice of Dear Penny.
Dear M.,
It’s frustrating when you see how someone’s decisions compound their troubles. None of us gets life right every single time, though. And I think your sister sounds like she’s doing the best she can. She’s clearly a hard worker if she’s pursuing side hustles while also working as a teacher. Her sons may be making it harder for her to get ahead financially, but I think she’s also had some bad luck. Since it sounds like her divorce was recent, drawing hard lines with her children may be more than she can emotionally handle right now, even if they are a burden.
While we can’t publish every question we receive, we appreciate you sharing your question with us.
I spoke to her last night and she is super down because her car broke down so she can’t Uber to make money for bills. She can’t afford to pay the rent and will have to pay the cost of the car being fixed in payments.
-M.
My sister is a schoolteacher who will turn 61 in a few months. The burden of all the bills usually is on her. She also drives Uber and tutors to try to make ends meet. She received ,000 from her divorce last year, and that money is already gone. Her sons won’t get the COVID vaccine, and the younger one was in the hospital for two weeks. I’m pretty sure she paid the hospital bill with her divorce money.
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Your willingness to share your story might help others facing similar challenges.
But I do think helping your sister out makes sense. It sounds like the car repair bill could be the domino that causes everything else to collapse. If your sister can’t pay rent and gets evicted, she’ll have difficulty finding housing for years to come. If she falls behind on bills, she’ll destroy her credit. Bad credit is notoriously expensive, triggering exorbitant interest rates plus security deposits for just about everything.
Thank You for your question!
Your sister knows what you think about her sons. So since you’ve said your piece — plenty of times, it sounds like — you should consider helping only if you can accept your sister’s choices. That doesn’t mean you have to approve. It’s more of a why-beat-a-dead-horse type of thing.
It doesn’t sound like your sister has actually asked you for money. Regardless, if you help her out, make it clear that this is a one-time assist. Tell her you’re not in a position to make this a repeat occurrence. Should she ask you for money in the future, tell her no to avoid making this a pattern. The eldest hasn’t worked since 2017 because my sister says he has anxiety issues. He’s worked before, and it’s my view he’s manipulating her. He signed up for COVID unemployment in 2020 and received it until I brought attention to it. I’ve had anxiety and stutter my entire life and I’ve worked since I was 14. The youngest works off and on. He will work a job for a few weeks and then quit because it’s not exactly what he wants. He has this luxury of course because he has a roof over his head and food.
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The Penny Hoarder’s Robin Hartill is a Certified Financial Planner and the voice of Dear Penny.