As a collective workforce, weâre all wanting more feedback. Without it, we donât know where we stand, how we rank, what we need to improve, or where weâre hitting it out of the park.
âEmployees are hungry for feedback from their leaders, managers, and peers,â according to Gallup. âThey want to gain insights that advance their abilities and future potential. And more than ever, feedback is pivotal for engaging employees. Gallup data show that when employees strongly agree they received âmeaningful feedbackâ in the past week, they are almost four times more likely than other employees to be engaged.â
So why arenât our managers and peers giving us maximum feedback? Well⦠it may be important, but itâs also awkward, time-consuming, and often not the thing thatâs on fire.
So if youâre tired of sitting around waiting for feedback to find you, letâs talk about strategies you can use to open the spigot and let that feedback flow freely.
1. Ask better questions
Ever been around a dry-diapered, just-fed, tightly-swaddled baby who wonât stop crying? You know that baby needs somethingâ¦you just donât know what it is! Also, you want to pull your hair out.
Asking, generally, for more feedback may create a similar experience for the person youâre asking. They need more direction. And they want to rip their hair out.
So how can you be more specific in your ask? How can you lead your boss or peer toward offering a piece of feedback thatâs meaningful to you in the moment?
Instead of âcan I have more feedback please?â try asking questions like:
- Do you have any feedback on that presentation I gave in todayâs team meeting? Iâm focused on enhancing my presentation skills this year.
- Is there anything I can be doing to better support our clients?
- Is my communication feeling clear and effective? Is there anything I can or should be doing differently?
These are the types of questions that provide the would-be giver of feedback with more direction. And they bump up the likelihood of your receiving more feedback without your having to ask for the dreaded F-word by name.
2. Probe for meaning
When you do receive feedback (because it is, after all, a gift) make sure you extract maximum clarity from it.
If your boss suggests you strive for greater clarity in your communication, ask if they can provide an example of both (a) when and why it wasnât clear, and (b) what a clearer message would sound like.
Without specificity, feedback often isnât actionable. And if you canât action it, is it really a gift?
3. Reflect back what you heard
Your boss suggests to you that youâd benefit from being more collaborative with the Marketing team.
You ask her to describe an instance in which you werenât collaborative and to suggest how you might have shown up differently.
She says âYesterday you presented your fully fleshed-out strategy to Marketing and then asked if they had any questions. A more collaborative approach would have been to present a draft of your strategy a few weeks earlier, invite their input and suggestions (instead of just questions), and bake their insights into a final product, creating something more inclusive and holistic.â
That is both specific and actionable.
Now state back what you heard. You might say âOK, so next time, share earlier and capture insights so the outcome includes all of our ideas.â
By restating what you heard in your own words, you achieve two things.
- You test your own understanding to ensure you captured the right message
- You validate for the feedback giver that you heard and processed their suggestion, making them more likely to give you more feedback in the future.
4. Make space for emotions
Letâs be real. Feedback may be a gift. But itâs not always easy to receive. Sometimesâeven when itâs well-intendedâit can hurt!
We can debate all day whether itâs OK to cry at work. I say itâs OKâ¦but also that you probably want to have some boundaries around it. A boss is unlikely to continue to give future feedback to a team member who really struggled to hear and absorb it.
The solution is not not to cry. The better answer is to give yourself some processing space.
It is absolutely professional to say something like âWowâthat was a lot to hear. I want to give this feedback the reflection it deserves. Would it be OK if I sit with this for a bit and then we come back together in a few days and discuss next steps?â
This approach wins you the space in which you can feel free to ugly-cry, and also demonstrates to the giver that youâre taking their message seriously. This is a win-win.
5. Find the insight
Not all feedback is created equal. Sometimes it hits you square in the jawâyou recognize yourself in it instantly and commit to improving.
Other times you hear a message and think âThat doesnât sound like me at all!â
Even when a piece of feedback feels off-base, thereâs usually a nugget of insight in there somewhere. And your job is to hunt it down.
In my first job out of college, my boss suggested one day that I focus on staying more organized. That hit me as way off-base. Organizing has always been my superpower!
But I sat with her feedback for a bit, and I asked myself what might be leading her to experience me as disorganized? I ultimately determined that her need to know was simply higher than my need to communicate. So, I started sending her daily updates and that did the trick. While her feedback didnât quite hit the right note, it did land us in a better place. Which ultimately is its job.
6. Be a role model
You get what you give, right? So be a giver. In all directions. Start role modeling the type, quality, and frequency of feedback youâre hoping to receive. Do it well, and others will experience an uplift in their performance. And then, in turn, theyâll be more likely and motivated to reciprocate.
Feeling inspired to get out there and get some feedback? I hope you’ve found a pearl of wisdom here to inform your path forward!